And so I finally met her last night. Friday's plans fell through and we'd rescheduled for yesterday. I'm not going to lie, as I was walking over to Starbucks I got increasingly nervous. Would she be weird? Will she be able to hear my thoughts? Can she sense that I'm about to pass out from low blood pressure again?Well let me start out by saying that all worries vanished when I saw her and she flashed this huge smile at me. In fact, I don't want to call her The Psychic anymore since it sounds like I'm mocking her. Plus, the word sounds way too mystical for the person I met last night – a 29-year-old fashion designer who hails from PA (she doesn’t really follow Philly sports, but her bf does).
Oddly enough, it was so easy opening up to her. We each talked about our families, work, what led us to T and of course, boys. As we laughed and cracked jokes over coffee (her) and banana nut bread (me), I told her my story and she told me hers (btw, why is it so easy to pour your heart out to a total stranger, but not to those closest to you?). I almost teared up when I told her about Mr. First and she said that as clichéd as it sounded, things would get better with time; that it’s one of the hardest things you’ll go through, but you’ll learn something each time. And then she gave me an interesting take on the soul mate idea.
In a book she borrowed from T, she read that each soul is a half – a ying or yang – and that even if you do find your soul mate in this lifetime it might not be time for the two of you to get together. So you must continue on your journey learning, gathering, growing and moving through each subsequent life so that when you are both whole, you’ll be able to fuse together.
I absolutely loved that view. It’s filled with hope that even if it didn’t work out with whomever you’re meant to be with now, it will eventually when you’re both ready. For the past several months I was carrying around another idea of what a soul mate is. Those of you who read Eat, Pray, Love (also from T’s personal library) might recognize this definition Richard from Texas gives Elizabeth:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go.”I believe that applied to him as well. Because of him I realized I needed to get help. I saw that my anxiety was affecting him – and us – and I didn’t want to keep going down that path. So now how am I supposed to let someone who pushed me to do so much just go?
*****
She doesn't know why she felt compelled to reach out to me that night, but I'm glad she did. By some crazy chance, we crossed paths and this new friend from Pennsylvania somehow made my day a bit brighter. So instead why don't we call her...Penny :)