I usually bite my tongue and play semi-nice in order to avoid confrontation. I do my best to kill people with kindness (even if it slowly kills me in the process) because it's always better to be kind than mean, right? Better to take the high road than to stoop to lower levels. "What was that? You want to torture me a little more? Why sure!!" Yeah, only this whole "think of others and wear their uncomfortable shoes" can get pretty painful after a while.So how do you know when it's best to say what you need to say no matter the outcome? Or should you always say how you feel regardless of how the other person might react? I ask knowing full well that the answers will depend on the situation. I know that some people need a reality check so that they might (hopefully) learn from your point of view. And there are also times when some things are better left unsaid.
It's distinguishing when to do what that gets hard. When to realize that one relationship is taking too much energy to maintain. Or when to let go of the past so the relationship has a chance at surviving. When to speak your mind, when to hold it all back, when you're being used. From experience I also know it takes time (and mistakes) until it finally all clicks and you realize, "Oh now it makes sense. This is what I need to do."
Time and time again I've put other people's feelings ahead of my own only to beat myself up about it later. I'll fiercely disagree with someone's opinion to the point of offense and yet I won't say a word. Thoughts might be racing through my head and as much as I'd love to share them with someone, I don't because the other has no interest in hearing them or I don't know how to breach the subject. And so they're left unspoken.
I don't know how to say, "No more." I don't know how to say, "Shut up and listen." I don't know how to just speak. So I write. And though I write knowing the words will never be sent to those I wish would read them, at least they're formed, real, concrete. They can be seen and saved.
At the end of the day I wish I had the courage to yell and live without holding back. What about you?
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