I need to pick up these broken pieces and make something new out of them because right now I’m not painting a pretty picture.I cut the chord again last night and maybe I’ll tie it up again eventually like I’ve done countless times before – or maybe I won’t. I think we keep experiencing the same situation over and over until the lesson is finally learned. It’s like trying to find your way with your eyes wrapped; each time you bump into the same obstacle a layer is removed until you eventually go, “Oh, now I see. I’ve been a total moron.”
Well I see, I think. I see that I want to be done. I see that I’m tired and I’m tiring to others. I see that he has no interest in trying to resuscitate this “friendship.” Maybe he'll get my message when I stop replying to his.
Of course, the powers that be keep trying to mess with my head. It happens each time: after days of turning my stomach into knots thinking about our fading relationship, how we never talk and how I’m forced to bear the weight and hold back in order to spare his feelings, he sends a message. This time the levees just broke, as I could no longer hold in all this anger that has been building up inside me. So I texted him a piece of my mind. He responds with a joke. Done.
Then after a not-so-great night, I received this message from “the Universe” this morning:
It sure is hard to get really angry at someone, Dorkys, when you can think of all the reasons you love them.
And you can -
The Universe
P.S. Oh, go on, Dorkys. You're in their life because they love you.
And so this post has been brought to you by the letters W, T, F and B, R, B because the Internet doesn’t need me spewing any more sadness and anger into it. So I’ll remove myself for a bit and come back when I’m ready.
Image: dhrramalayasia.org