I have a hard time accepting the inexplicable. My mind always wants to pick apart, analyze, ask how and why. To me, things can't just be for the sake of being. They need to have happened for a reason and I need to know what it is.
I'm classic type A and think too much. I like clear answers and closure. Vagueness is unsettling and my mind has a hard time grasping "no answer" and nothingness. "How far is Heaven?" "What does water taste like?" "What exactly is dark matter?" To me, "nothing" and "it just is" translates to "the answer hasn't been found yet."
Religion is a tough one for me because it requires faith and faith requires trusting that which you cannot see or explain. After questioning every other line in the Bible, I had to set it down after only a few pages. Where did God come from? How did He get the power to do the things the Bible said He did? Why is there so much suffering? Religion asks that you surrender logic, believe the unbelievable and accept wholeheartedly.
Love is the same in that it cannot always be explained. It just is until it isn't. When you stop loving someone where does that energy go? Does it transfer over to someone else? Does it transform? Or does it simply evaporate to then gather in the skies until we're ready for love to rain on us again?
But in asking all these questions, I feel I'm slowly wasting my time and energy trying to explain what doesn't need to be explained. I've become a person of "why?" instead of "why not?" I'm too busy trying to disassemble and figure things out when instead I should be enjoying the existence of endless possibilities, miracles and angels amongst us and just let them be.
P.S. I have this quote by my cubicle that I've written out a couple times before (maybe even here) and clearly do not read as often as I should:
"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
I'm classic type A and think too much. I like clear answers and closure. Vagueness is unsettling and my mind has a hard time grasping "no answer" and nothingness. "How far is Heaven?" "What does water taste like?" "What exactly is dark matter?" To me, "nothing" and "it just is" translates to "the answer hasn't been found yet."
Religion is a tough one for me because it requires faith and faith requires trusting that which you cannot see or explain. After questioning every other line in the Bible, I had to set it down after only a few pages. Where did God come from? How did He get the power to do the things the Bible said He did? Why is there so much suffering? Religion asks that you surrender logic, believe the unbelievable and accept wholeheartedly.
Love is the same in that it cannot always be explained. It just is until it isn't. When you stop loving someone where does that energy go? Does it transfer over to someone else? Does it transform? Or does it simply evaporate to then gather in the skies until we're ready for love to rain on us again?
But in asking all these questions, I feel I'm slowly wasting my time and energy trying to explain what doesn't need to be explained. I've become a person of "why?" instead of "why not?" I'm too busy trying to disassemble and figure things out when instead I should be enjoying the existence of endless possibilities, miracles and angels amongst us and just let them be.
P.S. I have this quote by my cubicle that I've written out a couple times before (maybe even here) and clearly do not read as often as I should:
"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke