Last year while I was still single, I gave some well-researched tips on how to handle coupled friends. Now that I'm on the other side of the fence, it's only fair that I approach hanging out with the single crowd with the same journalistic authority - by pulling them right out of my...brain.1. Practice your comebacks to the following questions: "Are you guys living together yet?" "So when are you buying that ring?" "Can I be a bridesmaid at your future wedding?" It doesn't matter if you've only been together a month, the questions will quickly start rolling in. In the beginning, it'll be awkward, but will eventually shift to cute. You'll look at each other and smile all lovey dovey, straight brewing in your honeymoon stage. After that you'll start worrying if he's freaking out and he'll secretly wonder if you're just putting your friends up to this. Fast forward a few years later and you'll be the one piping in with "Yeah! When are you buying that ring?!" every time "Single Ladies" comes on.
2. Don't assume that every invite you receive extends to your significant other. Sometimes the girls want a "no boys allowed" outing and the same holds true for the guys. Make sure it's okay before you ask him/her to come along. After all, no matter how much sex you have, you're not actually attached at the hip.
3. Avoid asking your single friends when they're going to finally settle down because, you know, "time's a-ticking and it's not like they're getting any younger." It'll only make them go on the defensive and list all the reasons why being unattached is the best thing everrr and why relationships are just another oppression that suck the life force right out of you. WARNING: Any mentions of biological clocks, spinsterhood, cat breeds, eHarmony or singles parties are legit grounds for a smack-down.
4. Some people don't feel comfortable being hooked up or set up on blind dates (shout-out to Anonymous for trying to help me 1, 2, 3 times with no luck) so avoid pushing them towards Relationshipville if they're still not ready to invest in any real estate there. Plus, studies show that 85% of daters suffer a severe drop in social life coolness after settling down* and you know full well that a part of you lives variously through their weekend debauchery.
5. But if they do want to get hooked up, then by all means pimp out your partner's single friends like a, um, pimp. You see, now that you're in a relationship, a whole new pool of available men and women are at your disposal and if you can't date them you might as well give your buddy a shot at the goods.
6. Don't be disgusting in front of your friends. I know you couldn't wait to be in this position, but remember how much it sucked to be single and exposed to over-the-top PDA? This includes, but is not limited to: blatant groping, tongue wrestling, dry humping, TMIs, hand-feeding whole servings to each other and Eskimo kisses while calling each other "snookie pookie bear." Light kisses and embraces are fine, but if you're both getting too worked up (read: obnoxious), then excuse yourselves and find a dark corner, a dirty public bathroom or just hightail it home to continue your naughtiness there. Friends don't make friends throw up their dinner.
What other tips would you add?
*Source: A gross generalization derived from personal experience.
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