At 11 months, it's time to say that A. and I have moved on from the rose-colored honeymoon stage and onto the "Grrr! I love you, but ugh!" phase where sometimes we just cannot see eye-to-eye. Don't get me wrong, we still constantly shower each other with affection and enjoy spending time together, but sometimes, well, it can be a bit trying. There have been moments when we've had to step back and put some effort into understanding where the other person is coming from, whereas before, we were simply flying on the downy wings of lust and love, wrapped up in the fuzzy newness of it all.
We need these trials, he's said, to make sure we have what it takes and that we're right for each other. True, but I'm not going to lie; I liked the air of perfection we seemed to live in and when you grow up in a household where arguing and fighting are associated with profound negativity and eventually divorce, you learn to avoid confrontations. Or at least you do if you're me. If we're arguing now, I'd ask him, what'll happen 10 years from now? Will it be 10 times worse?
My passive aggressiveness and his refusal to participate in it are usually the sources of frustration. I'm one of those girls who will always answer "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" even though it's obvious that something's very much the matter. Before, it'd take hours, sometimes even a whole day, before I'd muster the ability to put thoughts into words and verbally express how I feel. (My reaction time has since gotten much quicker.) A., on the other hand, does not play that game. He'll just continue about his business until I stop fuming in silence and if you're anything like me, you'll know that being ignored only makes. it. worse. You want your feelings to be acknowledged! You want the other person to accept that they misstepped - even if they didn't - so that you can feel justified and move on.
Yeah, not this one. We're both stubborn, but eventually one will reach out to the other through a nuzzle or a simple "hi" over instant message and break the silence. And that's all it'll take, a simple discussion to make it better, to try and understand before quickly moving on as if not much had even happened. There's never been any crazy yelling or objects flying across the room so I don't know why I'm so afraid we'll suddenly morph into my parents. We get our time to think things through and then we sit, discuss and learn. I ask myself, "Do you want to be right? Or would you rather be happy?" And so despite what happened, whose feelings were hurt or if we even end up agreeing at all, we always end it with a kiss and a sincere "I love you" because at the end of the day that's all that truly matters.
So, how do you handle disagreements with your partner?
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