A few weeks ago I popped into the library and dragged my feet over to the self-help section. I figured while I'm waiting for my health insurance to kick in, I might as well do some legwork to get the ball rolling. I always feel pathetic when I'm surrounded by such smiley-face covered titles that only indicate how hopeless and broken you must be like O's Big Book of Happiness, In Control, The Power of Persistance, or better yet, Happy At Last. I just want to get in and run out fast.
So imagine my mortification when days later I'm sitting on the train trying my hardest to hide the pale green cover of The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit only to look up and notice a cute guy hovering over me, his eyes fixated on the page. "Hi, my name is Crazy! What's yours?" I thought.
But apart from a few eye roll-inducing and obvious tips like "first forgive," "dance in the rain," and "build a guesthouse for your feelings," (err?) coupled with some bad attempts to joke through her list of issues, I was able to glean a few helpful suggestions from the 144 tips author Therese Borchard doled out. Among the ones I took to heart:
1. Don't absorb others' troubles. Being a good listener and compassionate to others' suffering means you can be there for them and understand their hardship, but not that you need to suffer along with them. I know I scale back on the happiness when someone close is hurting and even cry and worry over the situation when I'm away from them. It's almost as if laughing and being joyful would make me an inconsiderate friend.
2. Be selective, sincere, and cut out hypocrisy. It's an incredibly hard rule to follow when you're a people pleaser who has a hard time speaking her mind, but like Anne Morrow Lindbergh said, "The most exhaustive thing in life is being insincere."
3. Choose a mantra. When I'm having an internal battle with my thoughts, I've taken to quietly telling myself, "This too shall pass...this too shall pass." If anything, it gives me a few extra minutes before I react to whatever's bugging me. Though methinks I should choose a longer phrase.
4. Presume no one will understand you so you will be surprised when someone does rather than frustrated and disappointed when people don't meet your expectation.
5. Cut your worry down by making a plan of action. And this is why I found myself at the library that day. I was tired of sitting down and letting these dysfunctions dictate my life. By listing a couple of actions I'd take during the week (like researching my insurance company's list of health providers, making an appointment for a physical, and emailing four therapists), I felt like recovery was feasible; it's no longer a foggy destination somewhere the distance.
Tomorrow I start therapy again, with someone new. I'm nervous about letting a stranger in on every ugly detail in my life and the hard work I know I'll have to put in to succeed, but I'm also anxious to start already. The closer I get to making this decision a reality, the faster I want to run towards it. If anything, it'll be nice to unload my mind in that office and then, hopefully, figure out how to wedge in new patterns.
Quotes from The Pocket Therapist
"The heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upwards in the night." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Stirring oatmeal is a humble act - not exciting or thrilling… To 'stir the oatmeal' means to find the relatedness, the value, even the beauty, in simple and ordinary things, not to eternally demand a cosmic drama, an entertainment, or an extraordinary intensity in everything." -Robert A. Johnson
"When you are washing the dishes, washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. Just as when you are drinking tea, drinking tea must be the most important thing in your life… Each act must be carried out in mindfulness. Each act is a rite, a ceremony." -Thich Nhat Hanh
[That brings to mind one of her tips: to start unitasking. I can personally attest to my dreadful ability to focus on several things at once and produce quality work with each. My mind and body just can't handle the overload before I start stressing and making a mess of things.]
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" -Mary Anne Radmacher
Images: thefreshexchange.blogspot.com, beingalison.com, and webtoolfeed.files.wordpress.com
So imagine my mortification when days later I'm sitting on the train trying my hardest to hide the pale green cover of The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit only to look up and notice a cute guy hovering over me, his eyes fixated on the page. "Hi, my name is Crazy! What's yours?" I thought.
But apart from a few eye roll-inducing and obvious tips like "first forgive," "dance in the rain," and "build a guesthouse for your feelings," (err?) coupled with some bad attempts to joke through her list of issues, I was able to glean a few helpful suggestions from the 144 tips author Therese Borchard doled out. Among the ones I took to heart:
1. Don't absorb others' troubles. Being a good listener and compassionate to others' suffering means you can be there for them and understand their hardship, but not that you need to suffer along with them. I know I scale back on the happiness when someone close is hurting and even cry and worry over the situation when I'm away from them. It's almost as if laughing and being joyful would make me an inconsiderate friend.
2. Be selective, sincere, and cut out hypocrisy. It's an incredibly hard rule to follow when you're a people pleaser who has a hard time speaking her mind, but like Anne Morrow Lindbergh said, "The most exhaustive thing in life is being insincere."
3. Choose a mantra. When I'm having an internal battle with my thoughts, I've taken to quietly telling myself, "This too shall pass...this too shall pass." If anything, it gives me a few extra minutes before I react to whatever's bugging me. Though methinks I should choose a longer phrase.
4. Presume no one will understand you so you will be surprised when someone does rather than frustrated and disappointed when people don't meet your expectation.
5. Cut your worry down by making a plan of action. And this is why I found myself at the library that day. I was tired of sitting down and letting these dysfunctions dictate my life. By listing a couple of actions I'd take during the week (like researching my insurance company's list of health providers, making an appointment for a physical, and emailing four therapists), I felt like recovery was feasible; it's no longer a foggy destination somewhere the distance.
Tomorrow I start therapy again, with someone new. I'm nervous about letting a stranger in on every ugly detail in my life and the hard work I know I'll have to put in to succeed, but I'm also anxious to start already. The closer I get to making this decision a reality, the faster I want to run towards it. If anything, it'll be nice to unload my mind in that office and then, hopefully, figure out how to wedge in new patterns.
Quotes from The Pocket Therapist
"The heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upwards in the night." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Stirring oatmeal is a humble act - not exciting or thrilling… To 'stir the oatmeal' means to find the relatedness, the value, even the beauty, in simple and ordinary things, not to eternally demand a cosmic drama, an entertainment, or an extraordinary intensity in everything." -Robert A. Johnson
"When you are washing the dishes, washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. Just as when you are drinking tea, drinking tea must be the most important thing in your life… Each act must be carried out in mindfulness. Each act is a rite, a ceremony." -Thich Nhat Hanh
[That brings to mind one of her tips: to start unitasking. I can personally attest to my dreadful ability to focus on several things at once and produce quality work with each. My mind and body just can't handle the overload before I start stressing and making a mess of things.]
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" -Mary Anne Radmacher
Images: thefreshexchange.blogspot.com, beingalison.com, and webtoolfeed.files.wordpress.com