Idealism and the Unknown

Jetlag can be a beast, I tell you. Since our return from Thailand, A. and I have found ourselves napping for hours on end (if sleeping for 3+ hours can still be considered napping), eating dinner at midnight, and waking up famished at five in the morning. Luckily, my sickly symptoms began taking a hike on my birthday, but this wretched weather is doing nothing to brighten the fact that we're back in the city instead of lounging by the warm sea.

Earlier today, a friend and I took to Facebook for a virtual pow wow on our creative pursuits. A recent change to my freelance hours due to budget cuts (yes, again) have left me a teeny bit uncertain about what direction to take things in and moments like these often lead me to toy with idealistic dreams.

"If you could live and do anything anywhere, where and what would that be?" I asked her.

As writers who yearn to travel the globe, we both mentioned moving overseas and working for ourselves. I don't know if it's because of all the traveling I've been doing or because I want a different pace of life and scenery to shake things up, but I've been growing tired of New York City. Thirty years and I admit I've yet to scratch the surface on all it has to offer, but seeing the same sights, walking the same streets, and feeling the constant push and pull is wearing out my soul.

"The boredom comes from knowing you could be doing more to fulfill your purpose," she said. "So what is stopping us?"

To this I listed three options: fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of giving up the life you've grown accustomed to. My poison is the last: it's scarier to give up the habits and life I've become comfortable with - even though they're not so satisfying - for something unknown. But like my friend was quick enough to remind me, there is also something exciting to be found in uncertainty.

Would you ever leave pieces of your current life behind for the chance to create something different elsewhere?

Image: viensmangerunecroquette.tumblr.com

My Holiday Surprise for A.

I'm a fan of Grand Gestures. Blame Disney and telenovelas, but I love dramatic displays of romance and being swept off my feet and just because women are usually the ones who get wooed, there's no reason why I can't treat A. to a Grand Gesture, too. Something that will completely knock him on his ass and show him just how bold and amazing his girlfriend can be.

Keeping surprises are not my strong suit. If it's a good one, I just get so damn excited that I spill it before the big reveal. But this one I've been proudly holding onto since October - shortly after A. and our friend Ky decided that they would travel to Southeast Asia in December and through the holidays. So I thought, "Hey awesome self, how crazy would it be if I surprised A. in Thailand for New Year's Eve?" Very.

So guess where I am right now? Bangkok, fools!

I flew out of New York City Tuesday night and after what could only be described as "life," landed in Bangkok Thursday afternoon. I spent the day and a half that I had to myself exploring the city, making friends, and waiting for these two to return from their side trip to Cambodia. It's been two months of biting my tongue whenever A. talked about his upcoming itinerary with friends with so much excitement. ("I'm going, too!!" I wanted to yell.) Two months of secretly hashing out plans with Ky while my boyfriend remained completely clueless to our scheming. And after they departed, I spent too many nights fretting and second-guessing if this was such a good idea after all. The man does love his independence, you know, and I'd hate to have him feel like I was intruding on his trip.

But I felt this was right when he kept writing about how much he missed me, how he wish I were there enjoying these experiences with him. And I knew this would be a memorable moment when he finally saw me waiting for him on the hotel balcony and he ran up to kiss me not knowing if this was really happening.

It's been two hours and the man is still stunned, amazed, and beyond flattered that someone would go through all this trouble just to do something special for him. It was all worth it just to make him feel that happy, which in turn sent me over the moon.

Image: photo taken by Ky Huynh