On Gratitude and the NYC Marathon

I'm not a runner by any means, but I do like catching the

NYC Marathon

in person to cheer the participants on. It's inspiring to witness the culmination of years of training and motivation. Qualifying for this marathon is feat of its own, but then watching them tackle the race itself is just humbling (FYI, this year's winners blazed through the five boroughs in just two hours!). They worked so hard and here we were celebrating this incredible milestone in their lives. The 26-mile course passes right by my new apartment in Harlem and so yesterday I took some time to join the other spectators and make some noise. My heart kept swelling up as I watched thousands upon thousands cross back into Manhattan for the final stretch down Fifth Avenue towards Central Park. Some were still going strong at the 21-mile mark and others were struggling, cramping up, pushing to keep on and we did the best we could to give them life with our claps and whistles. It almost made you want to run out there with them and feel that exhilaration of being thisclose to accomplishing what I can imagine for most has been a lifelong dream.

Now I say I'm not a runner, but the few times I've jogged I've thought, "Man, if I had ever chosen a sport when I was younger no doubt it would have been track and field." Granted, the most I've accomplished is a three-mile run, but I know that if the motivation were in place, I could go for longer. Back in May, I thought that signing up for upcoming races would be just the push I needed to hit the pavement again. Running a 5K was a goal I'd toyed with for a few years, but it hadn't been a big enough one for me to seriously pursue. In comes the Wanderlust 108 Festival in Brooklyn, NY and it sounds like a fantastic experience. The September event was pegged as "mindful triathlon" in which participants run a 5k, do yoga in the wide open lawn of Prospect Park, and then meditate under the sun.

Okay, somehow four months came and went and did I run a single mile in preparation for this thing? Nope! In fact, had I run a single mile in the last couple of years so that maybe I had a fighting chance of doing well at this thing? Nope again! And still I showed up fully prepared to kill it or have it kill me. I did my little "let me look like I totally know what I'm doing here" stretch and joined the sea of neon sports bras and tights at the start line. I didn't know how well I'd do, but at the very least I had shown up and I was going to give it my best shot.

Needless to say I wasn't able to run the

entire

three miles without stopping a couple times, but I definitely ran a good majority of it and that alone was enough to make me almost shed tears when I high-fived the MC in mid-air at the finish line. I also wanted to shed tears for the week following because I'd shredded my legs in the process, but in that moment I felt so damn elated and hyped that I could have very well kept on running for another mile (and promptly died, but that's neither here nor there). Instead, I grabbed my yoga mat from baggage check and hurried along to grab a spot for the next activities. The guided meditation was alright (I'm partial to the STFU school of meditation), but my reaction to doing yoga took me by surprise. I'm a very sensitive person, I know this, and emotional through and through, but I was still taken off guard by my wanting to cry throughout the whole routine. I kept wondering what the hell was wrong with me, but eventually I just leaned into the sensations; there was no sense in fighting back something that felt that good. My heart kept wanting to explode with each upward facing dog, basking under the warm sun with hundreds upon hundreds of others around me. I was overflowing with gratitude for sharing this incredible moment with all of these beautiful strangers.

It's been two months since that joyful experience and yesterday, while I was cheering those amazing souls on towards their finish line, I felt that boundless gratitude once again.

Image:

facebook.com/wanderlust

{Monday Inspiration} And Breathe...

Fall has already been with us for about two weeks now and I. Am. In. Love. Autumn has been my favorite season ever since spring started attacking my senses long ago. There's just something wonderful about the chilly air that makes you want to cozy up under a blanket, jacket weather, boots, and all that gorgeous foliage.

For me, the new season also signals a chance to start anew. I don't know if I'm still in sync with the school season where September would bring in new supplies, new friends, and the feeling of starting fresh, but it's always been an interesting time to check in, be introspective, and see what improvements can be made. This season I've taken on regular meditation and signed up for a local yoga studio. In order for things to stick, I have to make them as easily accessible as possible. I'm a lazy bum and as soon as I can make an excuse to quit a new habit, trust that I will. (Why is it so hard?!)

Heights Meditation

 is a small donation-based group that meets every morning just a block and a half away from my house. I'll roll out of bed at 6:45am and walk over for a half hour session of beating thoughts off with a stick (without judgement, of course). Some mornings are calmer than others (and I admit to having skipped out two times when I was just too afraid to sit quietly with my monkey mind), but I think the effort really counts. I know it will take a long time for me to be fully present the entire session, but I do get snippets of quietude every morning.

When that little Tibetan singing bowl signals it's time to ease back into the day, I have a smile on my face because that ringing sends heavenly sparks shooting through my temples and I have created a little more distance between me and whatever might try to overwhelm me in the coming hours. This is going to sound cliché, but it feels so good and peaceful knowing that I have more space between me and my hectic surroundings. It gives me time to think before reacting because I don't feel like I'm constantly sinking under. It allows me the space and permission for foresight and presence of mind.

Meditation and yoga go hand-in-hand and if I was going to begin this journey into mindfulness 

 one I'd been really curious about since reading Dan Harris' book

10% Happier

 I wanted to go all in.

Mind Body Soul Yoga

is a few blocks away and now serves as my noontime break. I'll finish my morning shift and walk over to the boutique studio to stretch away any stress that might have built up since meditation that morning. It's almost like a rest stop in my daily mental health journey and one that's resulted in more even-keel-feeling days. I'm no longer racing through 12 hours fighting off anxieties and daunting thoughts, feeling absolutely exhausted by the time the evening comes around. I'll get my mind right first thing in the morning and then reset it again before beginning my afternoon work.

Granted, my body is still getting used to the early wake up calls and I'll easily pass out at 10pm, but I feel better. Not only am I not incessantly nagging or frustrated by every little thing A. might have neglected around the house (which is working wonders on our relationship) or want to hide under the table when works gets annoying, but I love that I'm doing this for me. I told myself that if I didn't want to go to therapy to control my anxieties and panics, then I needed to invest in my mental health some other way. That first day in class, while lying on my mat with my eyes closed, I thought, "Wow! I can't believe I'm carving out an hour and a half out of my day just for me." And that was quickly followed up by, "Are you kidding me? That's nothing compared to all the time you spend for everyone else!"

I don't know why it took so long to accept that I deserve this nook of time. I'll be sure to let you know how my journey into mindfulness unfolds.