I think I've started to come down from my optimistic high.I've signed the severance package, applied for unemployment and have visited every doctor imaginable before my insurance runs out. I've renewed my passport, organized my desk at home and brainstormed story ideas to pitch elsewhere. Every time someone offers their "I'm sorry" to the news, I pipe in with an, "It's ok! I'll be fine!"
I've been going, going, going and last night it finally hit me: I'm unemployed. (Talk about slow.) What the hell am I going to do now?
Yes, I know. "Anything." Or at the very least "many things." But having an open road before me is paralyzing. Where do I even begin? How do I keep from falling in a rut? What happens if I go down one path and it's the wrong one? What if I'm not good enough to make it?
I've never been the one to set concrete goals, just vague ideas of what I'd like to accomplish before I die. My reasoning is this: plans fall through and things usually have this roundabout way of happening for me. I guess it would help to at least have a clear-cut plan for the next few months, but with all these other things I'm busy worrying about (insurance, bills, eating enough), it's hard to focus on what I should do next.
I guess we'll see what happens. Right now I'm just feeling a bit discouraged, overwhelmed and confused. Maybe tomorrow's story will be different.
Image: flickr.com