[Since nearly half of you said you don't feel comfortable sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner, I asked A. (who normally blogs over at Don't Feed the Animals) to share his expertise with you. Besides, aren't some things just more interesting to hear from a man?]When it comes to sharing sexual fantasies with your partner, the name of the game is open-mindedness. I've read so many stories about couples who open up to each other and one of them ends up being thoroughly disgusted with the others' dirty mind. It's either that or they feel offended because the fantasy doesn't involve them, or it involves them doing something they don't want to do. Well, I have news for you: you're sharing personal details of your imagination! What do you expect?
Well, unless you're a complete freak like me, you may need some advice when it comes to revealing your extra credit assignments. That's why I've compiled a few tips for that special moment of lust and vulnerability.
1. Don't promise not to get mad, then proceed to get mad.
The key to any good relationship is trust, so if your lover confides in you to know their deepest, darkest desires, respect the trust that they have in you to open up. Besides, if they make you promise such a thing, they probably know it will hit your soft spot. Asking you not to get mad is their way of sending out warning flares and if you don't think you can take it, get away from the blast. It is OK to ask for more time before you hear these things. Then again, by the time they've already asked you to not be mad, the full reveal could be inevitable. Prepare yourself in any case.
Possible confessions:
"I dream about your sister."
"I touch myself during family dinner."
2. Wait until you're both really turned on.
One of the awesome things about human psychology is the difference between our "cold state" conscience and our horny conscience. The difference is so great that you will even underestimate your boundaries if you try to talk about them when you're not turned on. This is why revealing your fantasies when you're in the heat of passion is such a good idea; both of you will be so hot and bothered that things which normally skeeve you out actually sound quite reasonable and, dare I say it, sexy.
Possible confessions:
"I want something in my butt."
"Let's add a third to this mix."
3. Be sincere; don't treat your fantasies like they don't matter.
Sometimes, our sexual vices make us sound silly. These little kinks can be used as joke fodder in the locker room, but they mean a lot to you in the bedroom. You shouldn't be ashamed of what gets you off because your partner is there to help you have fun in a protected and private environment. When it comes down to it, sexual arousal, no matter how it happens, is just plain hot. While your partner may not share your soft spot, they will enjoy the opportunity to turn you on and be a part of your enjoyment.
Possible confessions:
"Let me smell your feet."
"Would you bark for me?"
4. Understand that some fantasies are impossible.
As it is often said, "Fantasies are just that: fantasies." There are some things that we think about that we would never dream of doing in real life or that are simply impossible to act on. That doesn't mean that they don't turn us on completely when we dream about them. Often, when you share fantasies with your lover, it isn't to create a wish list. Rather, you're just sharing a personal detail that lets them know a little bit more about you and creates a bonding moment. There are even simple fantasies that would be easy to act on, but many people purposely keep them in their pocket simply because they like the dream more than the potential reality.
Possible confessions:
"I like to look at anime porn."
"Sometimes I imagine myself pleasing an endless line of men."
5. Everyone has different standards for what is kinky.
Some things can simply be too shameful to share for some people. Other fantasies are so normal to them that they don't even consider them remarkable enough to mention. Consider the case of the wife who was livid to find "hot young teen" porn on her husband's computer. She was mad that he had naughty thoughts that he wasn't sharing. Maybe he wasn't talking because looking at porn was shameful. Or maybe it was because EVERY man looks at that kind of porn. Who knows? The point is to try to understand your lover's thoughts about why they choose to share or not to share. Communication will make it all better.
Possible confessions:
"I fancy me a ladyboy."
"Sorry, I just assumed you would like being spanked."
Thanks for reading, and have fun sharing!
Image: glamour.com