When there's a decision to be made, I think we usually know what we're pulling for. It's like that trick where you flip a coin and before it even lands in your heart you already know what you're wishing for. I know I do. The asking for other's opinions and seeking advice on what to do sometimes just serves as validation, reassurance that it's okay to want what we want, to do what we want to do, that later on we won't find ourselves peeking over our shoulder to discover we're standing alone. (It also gives a direction to point a finger towards if things go awry.)
But I go against my own grain. There's several reasons for it - seeking attention, pity, comfort, unrealistic expectations, this crazy notion that everyone else comes first, etc. - but at the end of it all I just end up feeling unsettled, as if I'm not quite comfortable with where I am, who I'm with, or what I've agreed to. All because I couldn't be true to myself.
How much more happier would I be if I were always doing what I truly wanted? Instead of going out of my way to meet up with someone on a hectic day, I could just spend a quiet evening at home and be completely unapologetic about it. I wouldn't have to shuffle between excuses or relenting, but rather affirmations and acceptance, standing firmly in honesty.
Being authentic means being open about makes you you. Because if you can't even stand up for what makes you tick, then how will anyone get to know who you truly are?
Image: kal barteski